A Journey of Self-Reflection and Life Lessons
Sometimes, when we pray with all our heart and still don’t see the answers, it’s time to take a step back and reflect on ourselves. It’s not just about closing our eyes during prayer; there are deeper aspects to consider. For instance, have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’re praying, but your body has other plans? Like when you’ve eaten something that causes gas, and you can’t help but let it out. I remember one time when I was praying and had this urge to pass gas after eating beans and fried eggs. I didn’t care who was around, I just let it go—quietly, but the wind would still break! Fuin! Sounds like turning off a light, right? Hahahaha!
It’s Friday, and nothing happens here except for “useless abstracts.” But this is more than just a funny moment; it’s a reminder of how we treat God during prayer. If we were in front of our boss or parents and had the same urge, would we still let it happen? That’s when I realized that we often show disrespect to God during prayer, especially when we feel the need to release gas. It’s strange, but the urge always seems to come when we start praying.
This reminded me of my time in cyto schools. When I had a sore on my ankle during assembly, no houseflies came until I was asked to stand straight to recite the national anthem. That’s when the flies would swarm around, trying to bother my sore. At that point, I had to find a way to protect my sore without my teachers noticing.
Marriage: A Test of Strength and Respect
If you don’t have any problems, maybe getting married is the way to go. It will stretch you to the limit, but it’s worth it. The problem with marriage is that men often think they’re in charge of wearing the pioto in the house. That’s not true. Society makes it seem that way. If you let your wife report you to the police for assault, you’ll see how quickly the police respond, whether the accusation is true or not. On the other hand, if you report your wife for beating you, you might not even get a paper to write your statement because people might think there’s something wrong with you. But for women, whether true or not, almost everyone believes them.
Honestly, I don’t think I can lower my ego enough to report my wife to the police for assaulting me. How would I even present it if I’m drunk? No way! I manage it differently. That’s why I married a woman taller and thicker than me. Hehehehehe! Those of you whose wives are giants at home, may your living bodies and souls rest in peace, especially if you keep thinking you’re the head of the family.
The Hidden Side of Ablavi
When “boys boys” meet to discuss their homes, the akpeteshie ones often open up. Eight out of ten men would tell you that at home, they are the ones who submit assignments, not their wives. You don’t know how we manage!
Due to unnecessary peer pressure, I met Ablavi as a waitress in a chopbar. Her looks were divided into two, each half being big with a valley in between. The thing kicked me in the groin. I managed to steal her phone number when she was giving it out to someone. She gave me all the good, the bad, and the ugly life experiences. I couldn’t chat her on WhatsApp unless it was a voice message. She dropped out of school very early, primary 5. I wasn’t interested in her educational background. When she sent a voice message, she spoke in the local language. She hardly accepted money from me.
When I sent her 1 cedi, she thanked me every day forever. We used to break up and patch up. It was our hobby, breaking up small, patching up small, then going for a long break and coming back. She possessed everything I desired in a woman—front guards and back axles firmly in place, respect for a man, and OMG! Ablavi was the biblical submissive woman!
The Mystery of Serwa
One Saturday night, I went to Ablavi’s house, unsure of what I was going to do there. She wasn’t there. I called her line, and she was constantly on the phone. I ignored all notifications of ‘call waiting’ so she could see the urgency of what I wanted to tell her. Then I heard someone’s voice in the background, and her voice became louder as she approached her door. I was sitting on some cement blocks in the corner of her house in the cold weather, so she didn’t notice me in the dark.
The voice was Ablavi’s, but this wasn’t the Ablavi I knew. She was speaking impeccable English, and I was shocked. She got closer to her door and attempted to open it with the key, but the conversation she was having was so astute and scholarly that she was even missing the hole. I know some of us miss the holes when drunk, but not when in the dark room with our spouses. In fact, we see clearer in the dark than when the lights are on. We see better in the dark without our lenses, the irony of sin!
For about two and a half minutes, I heard her say in English: “You know, some of these things require mission and vision statements which should have been part of their annual report…” I froze. What did this chopbar girl have to do with mission and vision statements? After these few minutes, I had enough evidence and cleared my throat while seated in the dark. Surprisingly, she was in full suit with an inner white. When she realized I had uncovered her, she appeared a bit nervous because I had seen the other part of her that she didn’t want me to know.
The Truth About Ablavi
Long and short of it, Ablavi possesses an M.Phil degree! So what happened to all the WhatsApp messages anytime I left my phone with her? I started sweating. My mind raced back to several incidents, one of which was an attempt to teach her how to write: “I love you” on WhatsApp. She struggled and begged me to speak the local language with her because she could neither read nor write!
So I asked why, with all her serious qualifications, she decided to work in a chopbar for almost a decade. Her salary was GHC40, but she was fine, and as stated earlier, she never asked me for money. It was then she opened up to me that her parents were in academia and living outside the country. She hid her background from even her neighbors and employers. Many people looked down on her. She smiled while confessing that she had read some of my reckless WhatsApp messages but they were none of her business, though she felt jealous a couple of times…she said this with a smile.
Ablavi is from a very rich family and didn’t need anything. It made sense to me now why she never asked me for money. According to her, she believed in a simple life as she learned this from one of her great grandparents. She didn’t openly declare the number of degrees she had…not even to me. I was like…wow! Is this Ablavi? She responded: “No, my name is not even Ablavi; I am actually Serwa.”
The Power of Self-Effacing
Her first degree and seven neighbors flaunted their educational background before her. She said someone even bought her a P1 English textbook for her to read so she could speak basic English. But as to why Ablavi chose such a weird lifestyle, and still working in a chopbar, Ablavi must be a CID, Alla! That was when she taught me the psychology of “self-effacing.” Please Google it, especially those of you whose wives want to wear the same pioto with us, your husbands.
I recently heard a neighbor’s wife telling her husband: “You wait, let me go to church and come, and you would see the other side of me.” Ei! Meanwhile, this woman hadn’t even completed JSS and was already about to display her other side to her husband on an LED screen after church. Hmmm!
The concept of “Self-effacing” is a very powerful psychological weapon. Don’t look down on people like Ablavi. She could just be the one wearing the pioto! Enjoy your weekend and don’t go about removing any pioto that does not belong to you because sin fascinates and assassinates!
