The Struggle of Staying in Unhappy Marriages for the Sake of Assets
In many cases, couples in Vietnam are choosing to remain married even when their relationships have long since deteriorated. This decision is often driven by concerns over asset division and the potential loss of property. Two such examples highlight the emotional and financial complexities involved in these situations.
Tran Duc Thanh, 40, chose to delay filing for divorce despite his marriage having lost its emotional foundation. He now lives with a new partner, but their relationship is not legally recognized. Their child, who recently turned four, is caught in the middle of this arrangement. Thanh’s wife demanded an equal split of their assets, which include five houses and company shares. He claims that the properties were acquired through his own efforts, as his wife only supported him in the early stages of his career. Despite offering her two of the houses and keeping the rest, she refused. Legal consultations did not resolve the issue, leading Thanh to opt for separation instead of a formal divorce.
Similarly, Tran Toan, 45, has avoided filing for divorce for the past three years. His fear stems from the possibility of losing an apartment he spent a lifetime saving for. Located in Xuan Dinh, the property is valued at over VND4 billion (US$150,000). Both spouses cannot afford to buy out each other’s share, and selling it would leave their children with nothing. Toan refuses to give the apartment to his wife, fearing that if she remarries, he would lose control over the property. For him, maintaining the marriage legally is a way to protect the home for his children.
The Impact on Families and Children
According to court statistics from 2019, more than 90% of divorcing couples in Vietnam experience a period of separation before officially filing for divorce. Some couples remain separated for up to 10 years. The main reasons for this delay include concerns about the impact on children and unresolved disputes over asset division.
Ngoc Nu, a lawyer and head of the Tri Viet Law Office in HCMC, explains that many couples struggle to move forward with divorce due to disagreements over property. She notes that legal solutions, such as dividing assets after a divorce, can be time-consuming and costly, which discourages many from pursuing this path.
Dr. Nguyen Thi Minh, a psychologist and lecturer at the Academy of Politics Region II, categorizes such marriages as “cold nests.” These are relationships where couples are emotionally detached, disconnected, and mentally hurt. According to Dr. Minh, this form of emotional distance can be considered a type of abuse.
Hong Huong, a psychologist with the Vietnam Association for Protection of Child’s Rights, believes that some couples may choose to stay married on paper to avoid conflict and asset division. However, she warns that this can have negative effects on children. When children witness their parents living together only for practical reasons, they may develop distorted views of marriage and relationships.
Children in such situations may feel inferior or emotionally detached. Some might seek early relationships as a way to find affection and stability. Psychologists emphasize the importance of modeling healthy relationships for children, as their understanding of love and commitment is shaped by what they observe at home.
Legal and Emotional Solutions
For couples like Thanh and Toan, legal experts suggest alternative approaches to resolving asset disputes. Ngoc Nu advises that couples can proceed with a divorce first and settle property issues later in civil court. However, this process requires significant time, effort, and resources, which many are unwilling to invest.
In Toan’s case, Hong Huong recommends transferring ownership of half the apartment to the children and requesting guardianship over that share until they reach adulthood. This would ensure that the property remains protected, even if the couple eventually separates.
Dr. Minh emphasizes that money should not be the reason for holding each other hostage in an empty relationship. She encourages couples to prioritize emotional well-being and consider the long-term impact of their decisions on their families.
Ultimately, the challenges faced by couples in Vietnam reflect broader societal issues related to marriage, property rights, and the emotional toll of prolonged separations. As legal and psychological perspectives continue to evolve, so too must the approaches taken to support individuals navigating these complex situations.
